Refugees with no home

In changing my physical location (Maryland to Durham), I've also changed my virtual location. You'll find my blog (with all these same posts and new ones) at www.brianjgorman.wordpress.com.

Nostalgia and longing

People often say that our human relationships are a mirror of God's relationship with us. 1 Corinthians 13 even says that we see things in a pale reflection, as in a mirror, I guess meaning that our vision is distorted by brokenness and sin, and therefore we are unable to love as God does.

Recently I've been hounded by a combination of nostalgia and longing. Nostalgia for community, and longing for God. I miss my friends from two summers ago. I had the wonderful pleasure of spending a summer living in community with some of the most wonderful people I've ever known, and some of my best friends ever. I think part of my nostalgia comes from the fact that during that summer, I felt freer to love my friends than ever before. I wasn't afraid of not being liked, I wasn't afraid of being hurt or hurting, I just loved them. Part of that came from a security in a relationship I had outside of the community.

I think that is where the longing for God comes in. I think that I am only truly and freely able to love others when I cling to the security I have in my relationship with God. I have found myself having an insatiable desire for closeness with God. I don't know what happened, but it's like I sprung a leak and can't stop it until I'm fully immersed in God's love. The elder, in Brothers Karamozov, is a sort of inspiration for this. The language with which he talks about God and humanity's relationship to each other is quite moving. The great part about this recent desire for God is that it makes me want to love everyone else more. I feel more connected to people, to creation, to art, to literature.

In other news, I've read The Freedom of Simplicity, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Catcher in the Rye, andFree to Be Bound in the last few weeks. I'm currently finishing up The New Conspirators. Free to be Bound is probably my favorite. It was a quick read, but I think it really prepares me for moving down to the Rutba House. Jonathan's story is the story of how Rutba came to be, and it is helping me to have a better understanding of what they do there and how I can be a part of it.

War, what is it good for?

Absolutely Nothing.

This is the question, more or less, that I have to try and deal with in a 1000-2000 word essay to be published in a book. The actual question is, "What is Just War theory, and is it still viable today?" As a pacifist by upbringing and personal conviction, my instinct is to answer "no" to the second question. However, the essay has to be 2000 words long, not 1. I feel like the major question I have to deal with is about the protection of the innocent in places like the Sudan where people face brutal violence. One book that is helping me work through this is Against the Nations by Stanley Hauerwas. I haven't finished all of it yet, but it deals with the issue of a survivalist mentality in Christianity, which I think (I haven't read it yet)is along the lines of, "Christians should be more willing to lose their lives on behalf of the innocent without taking the life of the aggressor." That is the position I find myself leaning towards arguing for in my chapter.

Here's what Hauerwas says are the traditional Just War principles: 1)declared by a legitimate authority; 2)has a just cause; 3)that there can be reasonable hope of success; 4)proportionally more good than evil comes from the war; 5)the war can be fought with a just intention; 6)noncombatant immunity; 7)the object is not to kill the enemy but to incapacitate them, therefore prisoners of war as treated respectfully; and 8)unnecessary suffering is avoided.

From a merely pragmatic standpoint, principles 1,2,3,4, and 5 are problematic, since I can think of no war that actually abides by them. Of course, the logical question is whether or not a war must have all of these or just some to be considered just. In today's world, a "legitimate authority" is another serious question. Why is, for instance, the U.S. a legitimate authority? Or is it? Would the U.N. be a legitimate authority? Principle #5 is the other biggie. I think that governments are not capable of engaging in war based on just intentions. Governments are by definition self-seeking. God's justice requires love of neighbor, of putting others ahead of oneself, and a country cannot do that. That's not to say that a country cannot do something on behalf of another, but only to say that pure justice, and pure, just intentions, are not possible with a government. The U.S., for instance, would not engage in a war where it did not see some profitable gain for itself.

I believe that the primary position of any Christian must be one of nonviolence, and of taking violence on oneself on behalf of another. That's true imatio dei. I'll stop here. I think my next post will go more into my actual argument for the chapter.

Shalom.

Political Misgivings

Four years ago, I would have been up in arms about the political candidates. I did not want Bush in office (who did?), but I didn't have a clear vote on a candidate. So I did the smart thing-I voted for Ralph Nader.

I think this election is much different than the last, but I have my concerns about the enthusiasm that many Christians throw behind the potential new presidents. First though, my predictions.

1)If Obama wins the Dem. primary, he wins the whole thing.
2)If Hillary wins the Dem. primary, McCain wins the whole thing. Why? Too many democrats hate Hillary just because she's Hillary, and no Republican would be caught dead with another Clinton in office.

Now, my hesitations about the promising Democratic candidates.
Hillary Clinton:I think many of her domestic policies have promise. She seems sincere about health care for all people, which I think is the first order of business for this country's next president. Hillary wants an end to Iraq, but she voted for it in the first place. I have my doubts about her ability to not only get the military out of Iraq, but to do something meaningful to heal the broken relationships with the Middle East. Also, I think she's likely to invade Iran. I have not heard her say anything reassuring on that situation.

Barack Obama: As much as I'm excited about the possibility of a black president who wants to see major change in the country, and who has the charisma to draw young people out, I'm worried about him too. Domestic programs aside, which I'm in favor of, Obama has stated his desires about Iran and especially Pakistan. I cannot be altogether too enthusiastic about a president who wants to go to war.

But the main problem for me is my worry about the congealing Christian "left." I am afraid that the fear of the Evangelical right's influence and vocal involvement in politics in the past has led progressive evangelicals to do the same thing, except on the left side. They see Obama, a Christian, as the progressive Christian's answer to prayer. Finally a president who will do what God wants for this country, right? Sound familiar? That's the same tune the Cons were singing the last two elections.

Of course I want to see change in this country, and it may be that Barack or Hillary can do good things. I really hope so. But we live in the new Roman empire. We cannot place our faith or hope in it; Barack or Hillary would be the next emperor. I'm just really worried that too many left-minded Christians are forgetting that we are to live in opposition to empire, and that means having some serious reservations about putting much confidence in anyone that works for the betterment of the empire, especially the emperor.

I don't know if I'm going to vote. Regardless of who wins, it is the grassroots, subtle, peaceful revolution of the infant King that is slowly changing the world forever. Jesus is my emperor, my king, my president. Not Caesar, not Bush, not Obama, not Hillary. I pledge my allegiance there, first and foremost. Let's not forget that.

unemployment

I think I am going to apply for a temporary position with my pillow
Do I need a recommendation? I think it’s kinda easy to get in
But a recommendation always helps
Do you recommend it? Do you recommend a recommendation?
Can you recommend a recommendation that would recommend my application?
In fact, I think there are two options. Two pillows.Should I go for both?
Although they’re nearly identical.
Double the risk, double the reward.
HAHAHA. Is it doable?
It’s double, it’s doable. don’t dabble.
Dabbling in the double doable pillows
No dabbling. Yes doubling.
Dribbling? yes.
Bubbling? yes.
Bubbling, doubling, troubling, doable, not dabbleable, dribbleable pillows.
No calls please.
I’ll tell the secretary.

Who am I?

I am the worst of all sinners and in need of Christ's grace, without which I am nothing.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to be Jesus to other people (not in a Savior sense, in a taking on the likeness, being a disciple sense).

I need to pray for joy.

I believe in the connectivity of all mankind, and that my actions have an impact on everyone and that I can't say "It's not my fault" in response to any need or trouble in the world and still claim to love Jesus or justice.

I can be arrogant and prideful, but one day maybe I'll be more humble like Jesus. Sorry about that.

Elegy on a Dead Pair of Sandals

I found you on June 16, 2005,and you stole my heart.
It was not mere coincidence that brought us together,
But rather, James Taylor's legacy and draw
Brought us to be in the same place.

I didn't expect much. I thought you'd be like all the others.
You'd let me down, break under the pressure.
I didn't think you could handle the responsibility I would put on you.

But then there you were. You survived the harsh realities of life with me for the first year. And that's when you took your first wound to the sole. I pierced you with my constant wear on your mortal flesh. What could I expect? I put too much pressure on you.

But you have a forgiving sole. You were bruised and damaged, but certainly not beyond repair. Together, we mended the holes I'd created and moved forward once again.

Oh, how I should have seen this as only the beginning. My wearied life took its vengance out on you. I dragged you along over the rocks of life, I stomped you into the ground of the worst muck you'd ever seen. To distant lands I took you, seemingly packed away in my suitcase along with the rest of the baggage I always take with me. I showed you things you could never see here, but walked all over you like it didn't even matter. And yet you kept with me. The wounds which marred your broken back seemed never beyond repair. I thought for sure you'd be with me til the end.

And then one day it came along, the strike that snapped your neck. It wasn't the long, drawn out ending I'd expected; no, it was an unexpected, jarring awakening to the harsh reality of death's cold grasp. Ironically, the innocence of the one who severed your sole from your body made him unaware of the magnitude of what he'd done; he was just a mere child in comparison.

But now you're gone, and I'll never forget the day. I'll never forget how Maggie introduced us, and neither of us has been the same since. Yet I must not tarry--a bustling world awaits such a one as me, but my soul will forever be uniquely bound to your sole, and I will always remember my OP's.